i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize