i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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