i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize