Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
