I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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