she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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