Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize
