ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
