Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I smell like Dick and happiness
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
