? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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