You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize