Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
