I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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