it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
