Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
