Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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