I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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