How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
