that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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