i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
