is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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