OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
