Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
