How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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