Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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