what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize