Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
