you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
