If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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