So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
