i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
