I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
