carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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