i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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