Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
