go do what you do best...puke behind churches
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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