Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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