When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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