Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Who did Billy Mays play for?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just gift wrapped bread.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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