Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
