dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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