it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
