Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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