I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
