Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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