If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
