her vagine was all disorganized.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
