I love black thongs
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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