$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
