I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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