I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
