just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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