im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize