I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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