i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
