My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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