The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
