my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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