I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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