im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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