Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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