Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize