2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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