you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
don't judge my taste in strippers
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
