My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
