She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
