There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
