you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
we made out on top of his cat.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
