based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
