guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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