i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
