12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
