Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
