dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
