So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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