There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
