I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i was born a porn star she said
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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