I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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