she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize