More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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