Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
