well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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