I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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