I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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