WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
