on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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