FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
