I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize