And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
