I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize