EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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