I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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