But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
nutella sex= disaster
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
