i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
