i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
