Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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