what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
