Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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