fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My penis needs a shock collar
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
