everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
