so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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