I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
