I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
