jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
