You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
