so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
