Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
