this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
