just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
