the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
