Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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