I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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