my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
